It always amazes me how fast one can take a small thought and it spiral horribly out of control. The one time someone doesn’t text you back when they normally do. When hours past and you don’t hear from them and you try to not worry, but you do. I’ve been there. I live there haha.
Due to how my life was setup when I was younger, I grew up to be an overthinker. Sometimes it’s great when I’m working on cosplays but when I’m just living my regular life, it can be hellish. I was talking to a friend earlier and she was going through it. In fact, it’s still on my mind and pretty much started this train of thought.
She was overwhelmed with anxiety and deep feels that were brought on from overthinking. All I could tell her was same and how I understood where she was. You see, for those who aren’t like this, when you’re…not sensitive but someone with anxiety, even a mild form, little things can send your mind into a horrible whirlwind of overthinking. When you’re in that state of overthinking, 9 times outta 10 you never think the positive or logical outcomes, you think of everything bad. Like every bad scenario will pop up and you pretty much experience every emotion of each scenario and it’s all tragic and painful.
Something small as someone not texting you back after a joke, someone not calling you or showing you as much attention as they usually do after you guys had a talk about something, anything like that can trigger a downward spiral of negative thinking and negative emotions. For example, the last time I saw Potential-Bae™ was when he was leaving my place last Sunday and for some damn reason I was overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and I started crying. Well not crying but just really sad and wiping rebel tears. He made me feel good about it and he left. I didn’t think much of it, like I did think about it but I didn’t really think about it until like…maybe a day or so ago. Potential-Bae™ and I pretty much talk every day and when it slowed down, for some reason my mild anxiety reminded me of when I freaked when he was leaving. So in a classic snowball down a mountain kind of thing, I started to think what if I freaked him out and he is pulling out.
The upside to this story is the progress I’ve made in understanding myself, my traumas, and unlearning coping mechanisms I’ve picked up in order to deal. Each time a negative thought came up, I remembered what kind of person he showed himself to be and the kind of trust I have for him. From the jump, he’s been very honest and open. He’s great with communication because communication is a big thing for him. He’s never mentioned this, not that I can remember, but he comes off as the type who when he gets consumed with his artistic projects all of his focus goes there if not to his kids. I relate to that because I’m that way when I start working on cosplays because my creative brain just triggers and nothing matters minus the basics like working, eating, and sleeping.
By forcing these thoughts to not be as loud as they wanna be, to remind myself that if he truly wanted to end something he would say something, I tried to push the negative thoughts out. Now, being hella realistic, I can’t push ALL the negative thoughts out but I can make them not as loud and not as powerful as they were. It’s hard to do, but it works after a few tries. And all of this comes from being very active in my progress and aware of my triggers and traumas. This is a daily exercise. This isn’t a one-time shop here. I wish it was, but sadly it’s not.
What I’m getting at is, everyone tends to overthink things. It happens. Now, depending on your anxiety, this might be a mild inconvenience or a one-way trip to a panic attack. I can’t tell you how to not overthink or what you should do because I’m not you and I’m not a professional. All I can tell you is my experience and what I do.
I still freak out over small things. I worry more than I should over some things. I shut down when I start to think about the bad stuff and I hold a lot of things in, but…I do try to remember the good stuff. I try to remember the character of the person. I try to remember what I actually said or did and not what my feels want me to think. Does it always work? Sometimes. Like I said, it’s a work in progress and a daily thing to do. If you need to cry it out, do that. If you need to yell it out, do that. If you need to write down all the positives and read them out loud, do the thing!
Whatever you do to overcome or deal with your overthinking and the anxiety that comes with it, remember that you’re awesome. Things happen and whatever happens, it happens for a reason. You are still okay. You are still worthy of love and attention. You are still loved. You are still thought of.